Before I had a baby the term ‘baby blues’ had a very different meaning to me than it does now. ‘Baby blues’ used to just conjure up an image like this:
But since giving birth and experiencing the surreal craziness of post partum life, it has a completely different meaning to me now. (Let’s just take a moment to appreciate how gorgeous my daughter is!)
I thought I was going crazy, every tiny thing made me cry. I cried when visitors were due to come round because I felt too tired for the social interaction, and then I cried when they left because I didn’t feel I was competent enough to be left to look after the baby. I cried because having my arms full of Darcie meant I missed being able to cuddle Dan, and I cried in the rare moments she wasn’t in my arms because I missed her. I cried because I didn’t want to cope with the pain of breastfeeding and I cried at the thought of giving up. I cried because my body was so alien to me, I cried when I was told I was doing a good job and I even cried when Darcie passed her hearing test. I have always been an emotional person but this was ridiculous!
I think that for me it lasted about a week, and it wasn’t just crying, it was feeling like I was doing a terrible job and that I wouldn’t be a good Mum and give Darcie a good life. Dan was amazing throughout this time and really held me together when I didn’t know how. Neither of us had been expecting this and that’s why I decided to write this blog post because even if it helps one person to feel like they aren’t going crazy and to prepare for this then I’ll be happy. It’s so important for us to talk about things like this, we are all warned about the sleep deprivation and the endless nappies but no one tells you how low you can really feel. And the important thing I want to get across is that you can feel this low as a totally normal result of hormones leaving your body. It doesn’t mean you have depression or that you aren’t coping, it’s a chemical reaction. A chemical reaction that sucks, but it will pass. (Of course if it doesn’t pass then you should talk to your doctor about the possibility of having PPD).
I don’t have many tips on how to cope with these baby blue because that whole time feels like a complete blur to me now and also I don’t think there is a way to ‘cope’. But I do remember how much better I felt once I opened up to Dan about how I was feeling, that made me feel much less alone. Also once I talked to my health visitor about it and she reassured me it was normal, that really helped. Apart from that just try to take care of yourself, I know putting on make up and doing your hair is a stretch but try to at least have a shower and get dressed. Get outside for some fresh air, it will clear you head and also is a good way of feeling like a human again. Just remember; it’s tough, but so are you and if you can bring a child into this world then you can absolutely beat these baby blues.