Since writing my post Confidence in Motherhood// Getting Personal, I’ve had a complete turnaround in how I’m feeling about myself and motherhood in general. I can honestly say I feel like a different person. When I wrote that post, I just needed to get it off my chest that I had been feeling that way. I’ve said many times before that this blog really is like therapy and that session definitely worked. I had so many lovely comments from you all, some expressing concern for me (seriously, I’m fine!) and a lot saying that they had been feeling exactly the same way. Since then I have been making a conscious effort to focus on myself a bit more and that in turn has brought my confidence back up. When I became a Mum I wrongly assumed that to be the best Mother I could possibly be meant that I had to sacrifice every other part of my personality and give up everything else that I loved in the process. It’s that ‘all or nothing’ side of my personality that sometimes leads me to great things but other times causes me to crash and burn.
While I felt I was thriving as a Mum, I was losing myself at the same time. I would struggle to think of any conversation that didn’t revolve around Darcie and never had any idea what to do with any time that I got to myself. My passion and drive had almost completely dissipated and I just felt tired. Not just sleep deprived, but totally drained from giving all of myself to everybody else and having nothing left for myself. I could honestly say I felt I had lost my identity. Since then I have been actively making time for myself, rediscovering things that I love and just regaining my love for life outside of Mummy land as well as in it. One comment I received from a lovely reader and family friend was that when you become a Mum you don’t lose your identity, instead you go through a process and that in the end you emerge a better and more wonderful version of yourself. I don’t think we ever reach the end of that journey but it’s nice to feel that I have at least started it.
I am planning to do a complete post on what I have been doing to get my confidence back and regain some more control in my life. But these are some of the highlights:
I’ve been taking better care of myself. Just simple things like going to get my eyebrows threaded every few weeks, doing a face mask every so often and shaving my legs even if it’s cold outside and I’m wearing jeans. Just giving myself that time to feel good about myself on a superficial level means I am giving myself the same respect and attention that I give to everyone else. Simpy putting myself first once in while has done wonders for my self esteem. Plus, my body gave me a baby, the least I can do is look after it a bit!
I’ve also started focusing more on my own personal projects outside of mum life. This blog, for example, I love writing it and always feel a sense of accomplishment when I finish a post and press publish. I’m hoping to maintain this level of effort that I am currently putting into it as it really does wonders for my sanity and is a great excuse to sit down with a cup of tea and collect my thoughts. I’m contemplating taking part in Blogtober (one post a day for the entirety of October), but I’m not going to commit to anything just yet! I’m also working on my own handmade business, making and selling nursery decor which will launch in the next few weeks. I’m really loving being creative again and feel motivated to try and earn those pennies. I’ve always been fiercely independent particularly with regards to finances so this is helping me to feel ‘normal’ too.
I’ve also been doing tiny things that I can’t believe I wasn’t doing enough of before like listening to my favourite music while I’m doing bits around the house, digging old clothes out the back of the wardrobe to expand on my mum wardrobe and spending more time with friends with and without Darcie.
As I said before I am planning on putting all of my tips on how to regain your confidence and to restore your identity after becoming a Mum into a separate post but this is my current update of the situation. I’d love to know what you have done to regain your identity since becoming a Mum and any tips you might have.