I’ve been wanting to write this since your birth, wanting to find the words, to explain how I feel. But something has been stopping me; I wasn’t sure exactly what it was that I needed to say to you and I haven’t been sure how to put into words the way I have felt since you arrived. But I’ll try.
My second child, you are so very different to my first. You are calm, quiet, easy to make smile. You are the very definition of an ‘easy baby’, although I hate to use that term for how it implies your sister was something else. Your laid back nature and currently simple needs mean it is very easy to leave you to one side, to put you on a play mat while I focus on your sister. Her needs are so much more complex than yours and her toddler ways take up so much of my time. I give you what time I have left, but it never feels like enough. It pales in comparison to the twenty four hour care and attention that I was able to give to your sister, my first child. Continue reading “To My Second Child”→
You are eight weeks old and this is the first time I am writing to you since you have been born. These eight weeks have been a whirlwind; an amazing, breath taking whirlwind with you at the heart of it all. But throughout the flurry of visitors, your sister’s craziness and the inevitable daily debris left by two children, you – my beautiful boy – have been the calm amidst the storm.
Today I found out that you exist. I already knew you were in there, I recognised the signs way before a pregnancy test could pick you up, but seeing those two little lines still made my heart burst and my hand shake. It was different to the day I found out I was pregnant with your sister because she was my first and so there was so much fear of the unknown mixed in with the joy of finding out. With you there is just joy, elation, and pure excitement. I also found out a lot sooner with you, I think you can only be around 3 weeks old and so I can barely imagine you in there yet, apparently you are the size of a sesame seed. Continue reading “Dear Bump”→