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Dear Darcie, I’ll Always Be Your Safe Space

Dear Darcie,

Today you had your first full day at preschool; you’ve been doing half days for a few weeks now but you’re always so dissapointed to have to leave after lunch so we decided to try you out staying till the end of the day today. And you loved it, you had the best time all day playing with your friends and you even learnt how to make a spark to start a fire, which you haven’t stopped talking about (because it’s freaking amazing of course!). The thing that made me laugh was when I came to pick you up. Usually if I pick you up after a half day you areĀ  brought out to the school gate to meet me, but because it was a full day today I had to come into the preschool to get you. And you were fuming! You were happy to see me (thankfully – otherwise I would have cried!) but you wouldn’t stop telling me off. Crossing your little arms and doing your best attempt at an angry face ‘Mummy you have to wait at the gate!’. I did my best to point out that all the other parents had come in too, and that all of your friends had to go home as well. But you weren’t having any of it ‘Mummy we were talking! You have to wait at the gate’. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, As You Start Pre School

Dear Darcie,

This week you start pre school and I wanted to write this letter to you before you do.

I want you to know how much I have adored this past three years at home with you. Yes. we’ve had our fair share of bad days but overall this has been such a happy time. The first two years it was just you and I against the world, and then this last year Ernie joined our little team too. You have made me so proud with how well you adapted to becoming a big sister, and I know I will feel that same pride again as you adapt to starting pre school this year, and then school the next. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, I Miss You

Written 17th July 2018, photo from today 15th February 2019

Dear Darcie,

This evening when I got into bed I was suddenly struck by how much I miss you. We’ve been so busy during the days adjusting to life as a family of four that I’ve barely had time to stop and think or feel very much. But as I got into bed it hit me, I miss you – I really miss you. I miss the way things used to be, I miss being able to give you all of my attention and all of my love, every hour of every day. I miss being able to go to you as soon as you call for me, because sometimes Ernie’s needs are greater than yours. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, Can I Freeze This Moment?

Dear Darcie,

Being your mum is so bittersweet. I’m constantly torn between adoring you at the age you are now and wishing you could stay small forever and also being so excited to see your future. I write this blog and I document our lives on Instagram because I’m so scared of forgetting it all. Scared that I’ll remember the big details like your first steps and your first Christmas but forget some of the little details along the way. Like the way that you always smell faintly like strawberry yoghurt and the way that your little hand slots perfectly into mine as you skip down the road. I’m scared I’ll forget the first ever dance routine you made up (right leg like a flamingo, left leg like a flamingo, squat, twirl, tada!), the way you say DinosaurTops instead of Triceratops and how you pronounce water with a G. (more…)

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To My Second Child

To My Second Child,

I’ve been wanting to write this since your birth, wanting to find the words, to explain how I feel. But something has been stopping me; I wasn’t sure exactly what it was that I needed to say to you and I haven’t been sure how to put into words the way I have felt since you arrived. But I’ll try.

My second child, you are so very different to my first. You are calm, quiet, easy to make smile. You are the very definition of an ‘easy baby’, although I hate to use that term for how it implies your sister was something else. Your laid back nature and currently simple needs mean it is very easy to leave you to one side, to put you on a play mat while I focus on your sister. Her needs are so much more complex than yours and her toddler ways take up so much of my time. I give you what time I have left, but it never feels like enough. It pales in comparison to the twenty four hour care and attention that I was able to give to your sister, my first child. (more…)

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Dear Ernie

Dear Ernie,

You are eight weeks old and this is the first time I am writing to you since you have been born. These eight weeks have been a whirlwind; an amazing, breath taking whirlwind with you at the heart of it all. But throughout the flurry of visitors, your sister’s craziness and the inevitable daily debris left by two children, you – my beautiful boy – have been the calm amidst the storm.

(more…)

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