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Dear Darcie, I’ll Always Be Your Safe Space

Dear Darcie,

Today you had your first full day at preschool; you’ve been doing half days for a few weeks now but you’re always so dissapointed to have to leave after lunch so we decided to try you out staying till the end of the day today. And you loved it, you had the best time all day playing with your friends and you even learnt how to make a spark to start a fire, which you haven’t stopped talking about (because it’s freaking amazing of course!). The thing that made me laugh was when I came to pick you up. Usually if I pick you up after a half day you areĀ  brought out to the school gate to meet me, but because it was a full day today I had to come into the preschool to get you. And you were fuming! You were happy to see me (thankfully – otherwise I would have cried!) but you wouldn’t stop telling me off. Crossing your little arms and doing your best attempt at an angry face ‘Mummy you have to wait at the gate!’. I did my best to point out that all the other parents had come in too, and that all of your friends had to go home as well. But you weren’t having any of it ‘Mummy we were talking! You have to wait at the gate’. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, As You Start Pre School

Dear Darcie,

This week you start pre school and I wanted to write this letter to you before you do.

I want you to know how much I have adored this past three years at home with you. Yes. we’ve had our fair share of bad days but overall this has been such a happy time. The first two years it was just you and I against the world, and then this last year Ernie joined our little team too. You have made me so proud with how well you adapted to becoming a big sister, and I know I will feel that same pride again as you adapt to starting pre school this year, and then school the next. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, I Miss You

Written 17th July 2018, photo from today 15th February 2019

Dear Darcie,

This evening when I got into bed I was suddenly struck by how much I miss you. We’ve been so busy during the days adjusting to life as a family of four that I’ve barely had time to stop and think or feel very much. But as I got into bed it hit me, I miss you – I really miss you. I miss the way things used to be, I miss being able to give you all of my attention and all of my love, every hour of every day. I miss being able to go to you as soon as you call for me, because sometimes Ernie’s needs are greater than yours. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, Can I Freeze This Moment?

Dear Darcie,

Being your mum is so bittersweet. I’m constantly torn between adoring you at the age you are now and wishing you could stay small forever and also being so excited to see your future. I write this blog and I document our lives on Instagram because I’m so scared of forgetting it all. Scared that I’ll remember the big details like your first steps and your first Christmas but forget some of the little details along the way. Like the way that you always smell faintly like strawberry yoghurt and the way that your little hand slots perfectly into mine as you skip down the road. I’m scared I’ll forget the first ever dance routine you made up (right leg like a flamingo, left leg like a flamingo, squat, twirl, tada!), the way you say DinosaurTops instead of Triceratops and how you pronounce water with a G. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, I Won’t Push You Away

Dear Darcie,

As you may have realised by now, there are going to be some big changes in the next month or so. We’ve been talking to you about ‘Baby Ernie’ for a while now, and telling you all about how there will be a new baby soon. We’ve told you about how amazing it will be and how you will have a friend for life. This will be the most amazing change for our family, but still, it will be a change. I’m really not too worried about how you will adapt to life with a baby brother. You have adapted to every change so far in your life and flourished with every new phase you have entered. You’ve actually been loving helping us to prepare for your brother even if you didn’t realise that’s what we were doing. You’ve been putting your teddies in his cot ‘for the baby’, pretending to paint the walls of the nursery and even ‘helping’ me pick out his tiny clothes. (more…)

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Dear Darcie, Now You Are Two

Dear Darcie,

Today you turn two! (I’m posting this a week late because I’m forcing myself to stop editing it now. It will never be as perfect as I want it to be, it will never be as perfect as you or as perfect as you deserve, but I hope that one day when you read it, you’ll like it anyway).

I just read back over the letter I wrote to you a year ago today on your first birthday. At the end I wrote ‘You will grow and you will change, but please stay sweet, stay kind and stay you.’ That is exactly what you have done. You have stayed sweet, and you have stayed kind and you are still very much the you that you were last year (just with a little bit more sass!). You have changed and grown so much. I can see it happening right before my eyes and yet you are still so similar in so many ways to the person you were a year ago. (more…)

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