I miss them-
When they are at school, I miss them.
The house is weirdly quiet and I haven’t quite worked out how to get on with my days without them here.
But when they come home from school everything becomes frantic- the emotions, the things they’ve been holding in to tell me all day, the battling for my attention. My day goes from 0-100 and I long for the same peace and quiet that has felt so wrong all day. And then the guilt sets in.
There’s so much pressure to make the most of our time together now that we have less of it. But after school disappears into chaos. Snacks, reading journals, dinner that takes forever, and bed.
And weekends vanish in a flurry of birthdays parties and life admin. Too many things we need to do, and not enough that we want to do. I think of things I want us to all do together, to reconnect and recharge, but life always seems to get in the way, and instead I’m left feeling bad for not prioritising quality time.
When they were babies I really felt the saying ‘the days are long, but the years are short’ to be true.
But as they get older I feel like the days are short and the years have become even shorter. People ask me about all this ‘time’ I have now that they are both at school – in some ways yes, I do have more time, but mostly it’s just disappearing quicker than ever.
I miss the long days. The slow days. The ‘when will this end?’ days.
And I know that’s annoying to hear if you’re in the thick of them yourself. I’m not going to tell you to make the most of it because I know that’s not what anyone needs to hear. And I haven’t forgotten how downright impossible it often felt at the time. Or that we all know we’re going to miss those days when they’re gone. I knew, I’ve known all along. Even when I was in the thick of it I was already mourning that life wouldn’t stay that way forever.
I have no words of wisdom, I just needed to write it all down. This is a big adjustment and I’m not doing too great with it all. I suppose all I can really say, is what I’ve been saying for years – through all the different stages and struggles – if you’re finding it hard too (whatever *it* might be for you) you aren’t on your own.
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