11pm Thoughts

It’s 11pm and everyone is asleep. I know that it won’t last long and so I am making the most of this time. When the house is quiet and I can drink my tea before it goes cold. I’m appreciating times like these more than ever these days as it is so rare that I get to just sit and collect my thoughts. I get to sit and be still and feel my little baby boy wriggling around, and just be. With my first pregnancy I had all the time in the world to think about it all, but with baby number two it’s not the same. Now I have a toddler taking up most of the room in my brain. So these quiet moments are precious and today my head and my heart are full. I feel like it’s been ages since I have just sat at the computer and written my thoughts. Today there’s no drafts, no brands, no links. Just me and my thoughts.  

Today has been one of those days. No, not one of those days, one of those days. The good days. The ones where my heart is happy and I feel so truly blessed to be able to have the life that I do. I’ve had a great day with my little angel today. There isn’t even a sarcastic tone on that ‘angel’, she really has been one today. We’ve had a day full of activities; a trip to the art gallery, shopping, the park and even baking together after dinner. She’s enjoyed it all, and so have I. I’m happy, content and exhausted. Exactly how you should feel after a good day with a toddler. It’s been a good parenting day. It’s days like today that I look at my little girl and I wonder how on earth I can be so lucky to call her my own. It amazes me even more that I have her little brother growing inside of me and the chances are that he’s going to be just as amazing as his big sister.

I feel so lucky to be able to hang out with my little girl all day, every day. To be able to work from home, to make money for my family in a way that doesn’t impact on our time together. I feel lucky to have a boyfriend who loves and supports me in my ventures. I feel lucky to be pregnant with my second child, a baby boy who is growing healthily and kicking me more every day. (I’m sorry if that comes across as braggy but I think it’s good that we stop and count our blessings once in a while).

I’m having one of those moments where I’m looking at my life and wondering how I came to have everything I’ve always wanted.

I look at my daughter and I see the person that she is becoming. I know her inside out, probably better than I know myself. I know her likes and dislikes. What will make her laugh and what will make her cry. I know her sleep cues and her food preferences. I’ve been there for every nap, every feed, every bath time. I’ve seen all her firsts and cried at most of them. How amazing is it that I am going to get to do all of this again? I wonder if her brother will be similar to her. Will he like to be cuddled as much as she did? Will he be scrawny and long or chubby and chunky? What will his voice sound like? His cries? Who will he look like?

The one thing I know is that we will love him whoever he is, whatever he likes, no matter how badly he sleeps. When they say that there isn’t a love like a Mother’s love, they really know what they’re talking about. The love that I have for Darcie has taken me completely by surprise. If I sit and think about it at length, I can easily reduce myself to tears. Sometimes I worry that I’ll struggle to find that same amount of love for my second baby, but I know that as soon as he is on my chest and in my arms, then that love will rush in the same as it did the first time.

There are so many unknowns in life, in pregnancy, in Motherhood. But today I am okay with that. Life seems to have a way of turning out pretty sweet and I’m so looking forward to this new chapter in our lives.

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