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Dear Darcie, Little, Tiny, Big Sister

16th October 2017

Dear Darcie,

Today something really special happened. You won’t understand it at all yet but today I told you something amazing, something you definitely don’t hear every day. I told you that you are going to be a big sister. I showed you a blue and white stick that had two lines on it, one very faint but definitely there, and I cried and told you how amazing it is and that Mummy is going to give you a best friend for life. You looked at me as I cried tears of happiness and you laughed and tried to grab the stick and put it in your mouth, that made me laugh and then we were both laughing while I was still crying. You definitely thought Mummy had gone mad.  You are the first person I told, we haven’t even told Daddy yet. It’s our five year anniversary on Saturday (It’s Monday today) and so I am going to wait and tell him then. I’ve ordered you a T Shirt that says ‘Big Sister’ and I’ve got four other presents for him, one for each year that we have been together and then the last present will be the news of this baby. I can’t wait to tell him, It’s so hard not to have shared this with him yet and it doesn’t feel real yet for that reason. I know that it will be worth it to surprise him with the good news on Saturday although this week is already feeling like the longest week ever.

Your Daddy was my rock throughout my pregnancy with you. I loved being pregnant with you but even so at times I was scared and at times I felt sick and tired, and in those times your Daddy was always there. Ready to reassure me and look after me as I looked after you. He always said that looking after me was the best way he could look after you too, and he hasn’t stopped doing that ever since.

When I asked you if you wanted Mummy to have another baby, you confidently said ‘Yas’ which is you new favourite word to use for everything. And although you don’t know what you said to me, I know that it is true. I know that you are going to love having a younger sibling because you are so good with other children and babies. You are so kind and gentle and you always want to help other children by giving them some of your drink or sharing your snacks and toys. I can’t wait to see you with this baby, my heart explodes just thinking about it. I asked you if you’d like to give the baby in my tummy a kiss and you came over and did before giving the baby a tickle too. That’s another one of your favourite things to do right now, tickle everything! You even tickle radiators. I can’t wait to have another crazy child like you.

I want you to know that this baby is only a good thing and that having them doesn’t take anything away from you but it gives you a best friend for life. The best playmate you could ever wish for and another person for you to love and be loved by. I already feel bad for any times there might be in the future when a newborn baby’s needs will be more important than a game you want to play or a book you want to read. But the baby won’t be tiny and helpless forever and before long they will play rough and tumble with you and you can teach them everything you have already learnt about life.

How can I be calling you a big sister when you are still so tiny yourself? Even though this baby will be smaller than you, you will still be my baby too. You will always be my firstborn and you will always be the one who made me a mum, that will never change. I wonder if you’ll remember any of the time when it was just us? With tears in my eyes, I know that you probably won’t and as much as that makes me sad, I love that you’ll grow up so close in age to your brother or sister and have so many shared memories with them. I want you to know that this time we have spent together as a little duo has been amazing, the best time of my life so far. You’ve made me smile and laugh every day and I will always hold onto these memories of our special time together.

I love you Darcie May, always.

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