Things have been slowly improving since I wrote I’m Not Enjoying This Right Now, the main thing being that Ernie has started sleeping better (watch it all go wrong again now I’ve said that!). The 18 month sleep regression seems to slowly be leaving us, and I couldn’t be happier about it! Importantly, neither can Ernie. Lack of sleep effects us all, and although he was able to catch up with naps in the daytime, he really wasn’t his usual cheery self. We’re both happier for getting some sleep and even Darcie is benefiting as Ernie was often waking her up at around 5am which is much earlier than she would naturally wake up these days.
The other big change is that we have stopped breastfeeding. I’m sure I’ll write more about this soon but for now all I’ll say is that we definitely stopped at the right time for us. Ernie has been totally fine with the change and I feel a lot happier as I had started to become quite resentful towards breastfeeding. I remember this from when I stopped feeding Darcie too, as much as it’s an emotional thing to stop, I always feel like a weight has been lifted.
Anyway back to today. It’s been a really good day. Mostly just because it’s been a lovely, normal day. I have energy again, which is a welcome change after months of living in a permanent ‘Mombie’ state. I went to the gym first thing, which is a habit that I really want to get into at the weekends when Dan is home. Afterwards Darcie and I spent some time together making button necklaces while Ernie had a nap, and then we all went out for lunch with Dan’s side of the family. Darcie was so excited to see her cousins and even Ernie enjoyed cooing at the newest little cousin on the block. I had a lovely cuddle too – a lot of my friends have young babies at the moment so I’m getting in all the baby cuddles that I can so that I don’t feel the need to have another baby…
We were out for quite a while so when we got back it was time for a quick dinner and tidy up, then bath and bedtime. And here I am, a whole day of mothering down and I still have the energy to sit and write this post. Something which I haven’t felt for a long time.
I hate it when I feel like I neglect this space, I’m constantly torn between wanting my blog to be a beautiful, helpful place where Mum’s can come and feel less alone from my words, but also I love writing posts like this which really have no point but that I’ll enjoy looking back on in the future. Reading this I’ll remember today, and that it was a really nice day, and also that I’ve had quite a few of those recently.
Sleep really does make so much difference to how we feel. It’s not just about being tired, it’s about how hard it can be to muster up much joy when you are running so low on energy. And when you’re a mum to two young children, trying to make the most of these wonderful but, oh so short, years, it’s hard to accept the days when joy is hard.
So here’s hoping that Ernie stays on board with the sleeping thing for a while longer, and I can continue to feel more human. I’ve survived on around 5 hours of broken sleep for nearly four years now, I wonder what I could achieve if I actually start consistently getting more that that…?